4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
