i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
