Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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