enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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