Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
