Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Panties = found
Randomize
