I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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