you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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