Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
