Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
