On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
