Someone shit on the floor
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize