Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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