Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
