Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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