one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
