I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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