if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
