I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
