ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
