belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
