The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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