Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
