apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
