awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
