I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
