I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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