im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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