I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
