I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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