once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
