...so i touched it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
