Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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