at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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