we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
