my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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