so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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