Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
