We won't sleep together?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
