"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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