I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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