ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
