so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
