just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
