is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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