so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize