I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize