I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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