just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
