I skipped work to stalk him.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
