She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
