my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
