It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
