I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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