I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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