I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Are we still banned from the library?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
