it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
