So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
