My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
