I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
