nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
