last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
