That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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