he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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